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Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Musomic 100 WC Alex & Awais
Slowly, as the wind pushed them back, a voice grabbed their attention. “Don’t go in or else.”A spark triggered in their amygdales, giving them a shiver of fear as they took their first feet forward. A terrifying face materialised before them. Déjà vu. They knew they had seen this face. Both Sally and Daniel took a movement that they would soon regret; as the wooden floor curled up, the body of a young mislead man they had tried to forget about named Bob appeared.
(Flashback)
Bob was dared to jump off a high building...SPLAT...
He’s back with A DARE THEY MUST DO....
By Alex S editor Awais K
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1 star. I like the way you used a spark triggered in their amygdales.
ReplyDelete2 star. You used the semi colon correctly after regret and before as.
3 star. At the end you built up tension He's back with a DARE THEY MUST DO.
wish. There are no spaces and telling who said it after your speech.
Your personification of the wind is great!
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