Wednesday 27 November 2013

Musomic 100 WC Alex & Awais

Slowly, as the wind pushed them back, a voice grabbed their attention. “Don’t go in or else.”A spark triggered in their amygdales, giving them a shiver of fear as they took their first feet forward. A terrifying face materialised before them. Déjà vu. They knew they had seen this face. Both Sally and Daniel took a movement that they would soon regret; as the wooden floor curled up, the body of a young mislead man they had tried to forget about named Bob appeared. (Flashback) Bob was dared to jump off a high building...SPLAT... He’s back with A DARE THEY MUST DO.... By Alex S editor Awais K
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2 comments:

  1. Anonymous27 November 2013 at 11:12

    1 star. I like the way you used a spark triggered in their amygdales.
    2 star. You used the semi colon correctly after regret and before as.
    3 star. At the end you built up tension He's back with a DARE THEY MUST DO.
    wish. There are no spaces and telling who said it after your speech.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Y6 MVPS2 December 2013 at 06:19

    Your personification of the wind is great!

    ReplyDelete

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