The War Zone
BOOM...
BOOM! went the terrifying tanks, which were owned by the Russian army,
dominating the war zone. Me and my friend, Jimmy, ran as fast as our little
legs could take us. Although we were tough and beefy, the petrifying war zone
made us look like week wimps.
In front of
us, lay a rusty and not getting any younger tank-a monster- a dominating item
which reigned the battle field. Stable it looked, although we couldn’t tell. We
couldn’t have stayed in its sight.
A storm was
venturing towards us. Suddenly, Jimmy fell in a sloppy bog...
AH and AA
Wow. A great opening using onomatopoeia and very clever use of personification for the tank. You made it seem like the tank was in charge and could see you.
ReplyDeleteEBI..weak, not week!
I wish I could read the rest of the story!
ReplyDelete